Sometimes we find ourselves doing things which we are fully aware will hurt us in the end.  We know it is being foolish yet, we find comfort doing such foolishness.  It's absurd! But then, life is also about these absurd situations.  There are situations which  caught us between doing what is expected of us and what is best for the majority.  The favorite line "I'll cross the bridge when I'm there" becomes real.  I guess hatred is part of love.  Knowing how to deal with hatred and knowing when to set aside pride are best ways to find true love.

Korean series, though these are mostly products of imagination, I am grateful as the incredible plots and amazing characters gave happiness which honestly help me make it through 2011's year of the rabbit.  I remember how I blew when a senior mocked the addiction citing it's a waste of time over her so called "stupid box".  I hope she got it when I said each person has her own way to entertain while simultaneously learn.  No one has the right to claim hers is the best habit to learn.  

In 2011 the following series entertained and gave me best impressions:

                                                                  Impression/Lesson

      Caen and Abel         -   that to dream dreams is the best but we have to remember not to covet what is not ours

      Beethoven Virus      -   start the dream by discovering what is best in us.  Each person certainly has his best

      City Hunter             -  some dreams are categorically inspired by burning desire to prove something.  At some 

                                        point  we can say it's anger based, and  If anger brings out the best of a person then it's 

                                        not totally bad.

      My Princess/My Fair Lady/Prosecutor Princess  -  that love can do some impossible changes.        

      Lie To Me                -   love may not necessarily start with the sweet romantic courtship. It's great to be in love!

      Personal Taste       -  unrequited love, sometimes is the best option.  Love after all, means, being happy that                                                 the other person is happy.  

  

      Daemul/Big Thing    -  that change is easier when we accept that  everything in life involves politics.  Knowing

                                        how  to go around the irritating  loop does not always mean taking the bait.  And taking

                                        the bait  does not always mean   giving up.

    

      Scent of A Woman  -  life is too short  

      Princess Man          -  Failing does not always mean defeat.  At times, failure means a new beginning

I forgot the other series.  Maybe, those were the ones that didn't make me cry.

     In a few hours, 2011 will be over.  May the coming year be a better one.

     As blunt as it may, I'll honestly say 2011 is quite frustrating.  But then,  some  beautiful things happened along the way and though the journey was quite terrible, I managed to kick and fight.  These  little things, apart from my daughter, shall me give strength to hold my head up high and look forward to a new beginning.  

     "Happy New Year!", shall definitely mean a bigger vision.  It shall transcend beyond new year's resolution.  It shall mean a new perspective.  Fighting!    

    

    

     Stressed over a friend's coldness towards her, a young girl burst in pain.  Their story started with a simple misunderstanding caused by a third party.  The young girl's mom claimed this is the second time her daughter cried for this friend.  Hence, she asked her daughter to keep a distance from her treasured friend.   And I agree with her mom!

      In life's journey, friends, like family members matter most. But, just like how it is in a family, not everyone we want to befriend with, becomes a friend.   While some  friendship develops from petty sharing of interests, there also  those which break because of petty discomfort.  Like I always said, though it is absurd,  some relationships are simply not meant to be. 

     A raging Manang Inday went around the neighborhood because of gossips caused by Aling Zenia.  That blockbuster was the second time in less than two months.  And I guess if their misunderstanding goes on, they will have a "head on" fight before the year ends.  I heard from my sister (who has been their neighbor for two decades now) that these two active church activities' leaders were best of friends.  Shall I believe best friends are worst enemies?

     Indeed, there are relationships, friendship for one, which are not meant to last a lifetime.  As to what area did it fail, certainly it emanates beyond incompatibility and both parties concerned are responsible.  "It takes two to tango" anyway.  It takes two parties to work hard, to communicate, to relate and even tolerate to remain friends.

     I heard from a colleague that the least person I expected to support me for the coming union election is on my side.  Wow! knowing there are people who believe  in us is an inspiration.  If I could tell them I would say "thank you for trusting me".  The turn of latest events however, have convinced me to stop involving with any of the union activities.  Hopefully, for a while.

     I used to believe being active in the union would give me the chance to help my fellow.  That was how I convinced my former Boss, the first time I joined with the union.   These days however, I no longer find its significance. 

     In this life, there are things we happily do but have to give up.  When we know saying NO is the only choice and the best way to be of help to others, then that NO is the best choice. 
    

   

      

     Rather than passing by the usual route where passengers have to compete with one another to catch the earlier trip back home, the driver took a different route.  I should say the route was  better.  People did not run after the van.   There were still many passengers along the way.   But what made the route cool was the driver got rid of the street barker who could have earned another ten peso bucks for pretending to facilitate dispatching of passengers. 

     I really can't understand why street barkers seem to have been allowed to collect from the drivers when in fact they do not do anything.  The passengers know where to wait for the vehicle.  And so why do they collect from the drivers for having passed that area where passengers  wait.   These barkers  are even earning  more than how much the driver actually earn.  Imagine how many drivers  they collect  "tax" from per day, per trip.   I remember they were given this chance as this is their only means to earn for a living.  They were specifically told to receive only what the drivers can afford to share and never impose an amount.   But then I was a witness when a driver, an elder, was  attacked  because he refused to give the ten pesos collection.   

     Barrio "O" gave dear moments, staying in this special place however, is dear.   Why am I trapped?  Is  it because    once, somewhere in Barrio "O", there were  special people whom I  shared  with wonderful memories or  is it because Barrio "O" is a comfortable zone?  I can't figure it out yet .  What I am sure about is,  the more I try to let go of the memories, the more difficult it becomes.  It's quite disappointing as the efforts seem useless.  The saying "let nature takes it course" has even become annoying. 

     The mere passing by either at the entrance or exit point of Barrio "O"   hurts.  But all I could do is suppress the hurt feelings.   It's like breaking up with a lover.  The process of acceptance, no matter how reasonable the explanations maybe, strikes and hurts even in my dreams.  Separation anxiety is indeed, a struggle.  

     Today, a sealed letter was returned with the remarks (copied as emphasized), "THIS SHOULD BE MAILED BACK 'coz marami nang basura namin.  We are paying regulary.  In short, we're aware of our account.  Please stop sending it monthly because we have paid it regulary.  Thank You.  NOTE:  PLS. RETURN TOSENDER".  The letter asked the borrower to accomplish an attached refund form for her to claim the excess loan amortization payment in the amount of TWO THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE AND 41/100 (P2,325.41).  And what a turn of incidence?  A retired  police officer harassed a staff for a SEVEN HUNDRED (700)  PESOS claim which  had to be verified from other branch. 

      Our work  is neither simple nor complicated but we've been in a "damn if you do, damn if you don't situation.  We send positive bill to our borrowers.  From our end, this is a MUST.  For some borrowers however, this is tantamount to embarrassing them for having an obligation with us.  They go crazy over a sealed positive bill yet do not give a damn when light or water bill which is not  contained in an envelope is left or hanged at their fence.

     Like other government agencies, ours, opens at eight o'clock in the morning and closes at five in the afternoon, Mondays to Fridays except during holidays.  We assign personnel to man our counter during lunch break to serve clients who may transact during their break time.  Employees have designated coffee break schedule, which when not availed of as scheduled, may be forfeited.  Despite all of these practices, which are meant to provide convenience to our clients, there are still those who wish to do business during closing time or when employees are only on over time service.

     Procedures are polished to provide better service.  Lately, a huge amount of money was spent to improve queuing system.  But instead of appreciating the effort, clients feel burdened by the changes and bluntly compare the service with other agencies.  When can our personnel have a stress-free standpoint?  And when will our clients realize that they go over board?

    

     My daughter never talked about her pains that her father passed away at an age she can barely recall a memory.  I assumed she wanted to assure me that she is doing well.  And I want to believe that.   She heard the negative stories which happened before that sad news came yet  she talks about her paternal relatives, with excitement. 

    As late as November 2010, she was promised by her aunt to receive a notice for a family reunion as an aunt and cousin are coming home from Australia.  The visiting aunt also informed her on January 2011 thru facebook that they are coming over and my girl will be duly informed once they arrive as they wanted to see her.  Because of these, my girl had been looking forward to the promised reunion.  She didn't even bother to doubt if  same with the 2008 reunion with the Australian pips,  she was the last one to know.  When she found out, she was only told they couldn't allegedly reach us.  But they were able to ask thru text if we could come early for a ceremony on that same day when she found out she almost miss the chance to meet her aunt.

   Last night, while discussing a simple preparation for the family gathering during her birthday celebration next week, she sincerely hoped her Aunt and relatives from  Australia can visit the country just in time for her big day.  Today, when I searched for the possible friends on line at facebook her cousin from Australia was on line.  Knowing the person on the other line is  busy one, I asked if he can come to the Philippines with her mom.  My heart beat fast when he replied "Hi! Auntie.  I am in good.  Just came back from the Philippines few weeks ago".  OMG! The message hinted something.  I hoped the next message won't hurt.  Because he didn't reply when I said "I see.  Did you visit Calinan (in-laws' home) or Manila only?", I opened his FB photos.  Then I found out that the family gathering my daughter has been looking forward to is already a history. 

     What could be their allegation this time?  That they couldn't reach us?  That their FB accounts were temporarily closed?  That they couldn't pass a message?  Hope to hear a well crafted plot.  After all,  we're now staying with my sister who is just less than an  hour away from Calinan or shall I say they visited places which are honestly less than thirty minutes away from my workplace?  My poor child.  For the second time around, she has to believe another fabricated explanations just to shield her.